Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Bitchy Post

There are children screaming in the airport. I have a splitting headache and am very happy to be eating my last British-influenced meal for the foreseeable future. I have headphones in and my music loud, blindly hoping I will not miss an important announcement. So the tone has been set. This will be a bit of a bitchy post, mainly me criticising the things I didn't entirely love, which doubles as a new appreciation for America (A-murr-ka) and the familiarities and comforts of home.

Today was sortof a fail day, with multiple mishaps that get me in a bad mood because they highlight my stupidity in both action and (lack of) thought. It started with me going out and exploring, hoping for a tour of Rod Laver Arena, where the Australian Open is hosted to start the tennis Grand Slam season. I got off the tram and realized I forgot to put my camera battery back in after charging it. I know it seems like not too big of a deal but I tend to be really hard on myself when I have these obviously stupid moments and I lapse in getting something done that I had planned on.

Decided to continue on, only to find out that there were no tours happening today. This actually wasn't my fault but it was still frustrating. Cirque de Soleil was in the arena all week, and as soon as they deconstructed that set yesterday, they started setting up for Kylie Minogue. Too bad they didn't convey that online, or even to the people at Tennis World who conduct the tours. I got some free Aussie Open swag as a consolation which is pretty nice, but I still would have liked to see the tour since really, when am I going to be in Melbourne again?

Lunch at the Queen Victoria Market was good. Everyone knows by now how much I love markets. Then met up with Coach and Mike which was fun-- we mainly just wandered around the city for lack of something more purposeful to do. No problem here though, since wandering and exploring is sortof what I'm trying to do. Ate a weird burrito-style sushi (more on this later), decently tasty, and went back and chilled, packed, watched a movie, and got on the shuttle here.

The driver kept questioning whether my flight was happening and I could only respond that it was, to the best of my knowledge. Then he got a call saying that all arriving Qantas flights were canceled. And he mentioned that multiple people he picked up earlier ended up having their flights canceled. Couldn't help but be nervous and a slight stressball the whole way there. But thankfully it ended up fine.

Somewhere in between I realized I had taken out my 2 cartilage earrings earlier in the day since they hurt a bit. I must have slept on them strangely. No big deal, I just put them in my wallet. Realize during the movie that I didn't remember seeing them the last time I paid for something, frantically checked the pocket, already knowing what was not going to be there. This is the third pair I've lost in the last 2 months. Every time I get really upset at myself and swear to not be so monumentally stupid the next time. Once it just got caught on something and got pulled out and I wasn't able to re-locate. Bought another pair. That week I lost them in pudding, never to be seen again. Accepted the loss and invested in another pair since I really like those piercings and those earrings. Once again I'm retarded, but this time I'll just get a cheap alternative from Indonesia or Taiwan, actually I'll just buy 10 pairs for replacement purposes.

So fine, I'm melodramatic and the day itself wasn't that bad. But a major theme of this visit was discussing how so many things are immensely better in America than here.

1. British influence. This means the seas of fries and other fried shit, nasty meat pies, sausage rolls, strange meat products in puff pastry shell in general, and disgusting teeth. The whole Parliament and beautiful administrative buildings are pretty and interesting, and the historical significance of it all is undeniable, but really some of this made me really not inclined to visit London for fear of starvation or inability to hide my disgust at their rotting teeth.

Side note-- these children are still screaming at the top of their lungs. If I get arrested here because I punched them to shut them up, at least you know what happened. There are 5 of them. All screaming. With ugly ass pink highlights in their dirty hair which makes them look like they vomited Pepto Bismol on each others' heads. Omniscent deity help me, and help them, if they are on my flight.

2. Food. As mentioned before, British influence in food makes it all inedible. I stopped being in denial about this when I choked down a sausage roll at the footy match last night, and subsequently decided it was probably a terrible decision and I would have been better off not eating. Fish and chips are good. The first 2 times. Any attempts at American food are a complete embarrassment. But there is pretty good Asian-influenced food around. Lots of noodles, dumplings, curries, kebabs, souvlaki, and hummus! Even then, a ton of the food is weird and messed with, like the burrito-style sushi. It's basically a regular roll, but not cut into dainty, delicious bites. You hold and eat it as if it were a burrito, complete with dabbing a fish-shaped soy sauce packet per bite. And speaking of condiments, they charge for them. Upwards of 50 cents AUD for 1 ketchup. And McDonald's has no Dollar Menu. A regular combo can be in the double digits. Obscene. Even if I never even eat it in the states.

3. Hipsters. Everyone here is SO. FREAKING. ANNOYINGLY. HIPSTER. Just for the sake of it, it seems. This means a neverending sea of huge plastic-framed glasses sans lenses, slouchy hats, greasy hair, skinny jeans, oversized sweaters and smoke. Gross. Coach and I saw a tattoo on some hipster girl's forearm that said 'I will be heard.' Stop being angsty, bitch. A tattoo will not help you be heard, opening your mouth and saying something useful will. But only if it's less retarded than your stupid tattoo. This also means prevalent overbearing, revolting, cheap cologne. Ugh.

4. Sports. What the HELL are their sports? I know this is being extremely Ameri-centric and the lack of understanding is solely due to cultural habit, but as great of an experience it was to be at a footy match, I would kill to be able to watch Game 6, Mavs at Heat, tomorrow night. Footy was a sortof strange, barbaric sport which I understood the basic rules for, but with 18 people on the field PER TEAM it was just sortof a clusterfuck. And they wear the most odd sleeveless striped jerseys and teeny short shorts. Bad combo.

5. Fobby Asians. Everywhere. Neverending emo hair, in-understandable English, packs of noisy gawking sounds, pictures of everything insignificant, and the best part is I can understand all of their stupid Mandarin commentary. Today at the Market I saw 2 giggly Asian girls literally stop and take pictures with CHILDREN. My distaste for them aside, who takes pictures with another human being's offspring? They awwed over them as if they were yawning puppies, and continued to pose with each of the 3 individual children while the dad didn't quite know what to do. Another pair took a picture in front of a sale rack in Borders. Come ON. You are perpetuating an embarrassing, annoying stereotype which then is projected onto me. And when I happen to stand next to a group of Asians in the market and ask a question about the product, and I get asked whether we're together, I want to die a little.



So. Um. That was a bit more of a rant than I had expected. Here are a few things I really like about the land down under:

1. They round money to the nearest 5 cents. No worthless, space-wasting pennies to deal with. Makes a lot of sense, and those 5 cent increments will even themselves out over time.

2. Toilets have half-flushes. I'm not a supergreen person, but it's a convenient way to be productive and it makes a lot of sense to implement.

3. Cider. Grown-up apple or pear juice. A delicious creation.

4. Metric system. I'm not fully used to it in everyday life, but we really just need to convert and universalize. They do sell beer in pints though, which is sortof strange.


Yeah. Disproportionate text length. Merp. There are other things I like, these are just the few that America glaringly lacks.

I seem to be figuring out things about myself and what I want my life to be in a slow process of elimination. That's ok, and experience is what this entire amazing journey is about.


And the most important part of this post--
A HUGE thank you to Coach and Mike for being such wonderful friends and showing me around the city, hanging out with me, and especially to Coach for letting me crash with you and steal your internets, foods, and floorspace, and possibly the biggest thing, for suggesting that I come visit you in the first place. The idea to come see Coach in Melbourne is actually the reason I formulated my trip to cover the Southeast Pacific, starting in Hawaii and working my way to Taiwan which so far has worked out splendidly. I really enjoyed my time with these guys in Melbourne.


A few happy pictures from the last few days:
Mike pushing Coach in a baby stroller
we found on the side of the road.
Crazy hipsters have cars advertising lube.
Creepy baby at Bimbo's, advertising Gluten-free pizza.
They had these little scary dolls hidden all over the establishment.
Practice courts outside of Rod Laver Arena.
Newly remodeled portion of the Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Olympic torches from the past few summer games,
displayed at the National Sports Museum.
Cricket. What the hell is this game?
The cricket ground was ENORMOUS. Footy itself seems
like the illegitimate lovechild of rugby and quidditch.
 To Indonesia! Jakarta/Bali week!

Update: I was lucky enough not only to get a window seat, but have the seat next to me be unoccupied on the 8-hour flight between Melbourne and Kuala Lumpur. Curled up and slept = feeling much better. Also, picked up Andre Agassi's autobiography and have been reading it. Really amazing so far. And I'm really happy to be leisure reading again... reminds me of the countless childhood summer afternoons I'd curl on the couch under a ray of sun like a kitten and read, and re-read all of my books. And retain all of it.




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